She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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