I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
