before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize