I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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