i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize