my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
