He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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