Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
