suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
