I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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