Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
