Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
