Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
4 words: hood of his car
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
