so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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