You were right. It hurts to walk today.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
