help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
