Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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