apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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