worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
