They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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