Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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