You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
