it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
