Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
