1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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