a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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