can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize