dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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