he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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