he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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