four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
