BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
