if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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