speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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