Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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