Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
