3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
