he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So. Much. Porn.
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