Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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