Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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