My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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