I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
