my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
