What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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