im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
