Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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