The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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