Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
