I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
