Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Dick very happy bro
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
