no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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