I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
how can u be prego again
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
