my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
