God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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