I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
