It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Randomize