Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
