why didn't you poke me back
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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