ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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