Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
