On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
