ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
