when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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