I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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