So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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