every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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