if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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