guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
what the fuck happened to the tacos
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
