My girlfriend figured out who you are.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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