I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
