mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
