I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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