I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
