I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
