On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
