I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My penis needs a shock collar
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
