So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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