Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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