YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
