i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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