Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize