O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
