My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
