By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
