I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
