I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
