I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
