Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..

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(805): View more from California

I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.

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(317): View more from Indiana

The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"

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(602): View more from Arizona

All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.

(1-602): View more from Arizona

Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck

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