My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
