if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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