I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
