I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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