I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
