Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
