My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
