i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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