Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
