Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
