When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
